“The nice guy is a man who basically pleads for sex” – John Alexander.
Most guys approach women with the mindset of being a nice guy. After all, when you ask a woman for advice on how to get a girl or woman to like you, that’s what she tells you to do – “be nice to her”.
You’ve been told that being a nice guy is the best way to go about making a girl or a woman like you. And that if you cave to her demands and do whatever she wants, including spending money on her, you might get lucky and score… or at least get a kiss.
Isn’t that straightforward?
So why is it that BEING a nice guy NEVER really makes a woman feel any attraction for you?
Why aren’t the nice guys the ones succeeding with women? But instead, it is the “bad boys” that seems to be getting all the women?
In this article, I share with you why women don’t find nice guys attractive. After that, I teach you how to be the kind of guy women find attractive.
Without further ado, let’s get started.
About the nice guy
As you can infer from the word ‘nice’… the nice guy is the guy who EXCESSIVELY does nice things for a girl or a woman he finds attractive, in the hopes that she falls in love with him.
He constantly buys things for the girl or woman he desires.
He’s the guy who takes a woman to fancy restaurants.
He spends tons of money on a woman and does everything the woman wants or asks for.
He’s agreeable and apologetic in order not to upset or offend a woman.
He SOMETIMES looks to the woman to make decisions…
…he wants the woman to decide where to go, what to do and whatnot because he doesn’t want to do anything the woman wouldn’t like.
…this is socially acceptable
In fact, this is what mommy, society and the media taught us – if we want to get a girlfriend, we would need to be a nice guy.
Now, doesn’t it make sense that a woman should feel an attraction for a guy who does nice things for her, gives her what she wants, spends tons of money on her, and whatnot?
Of course, it does.
So why don’t women find nice guys attractive?
Or more accurately, why don’t women fall for men or guys who do nice things for them?
Women perceive the nice guy to be manipulative
All the things the nice guy does is to please a woman.
As dating expert John Alexander has written in his book ‘How to Become an Alpha Male’: “The nice guy is a man who basically pleads for sex.”
He even puts up with a woman’s unacceptable behavior because he doesn’t want the woman to leave him.
He does everything the woman wants or asks for, in order to seek her approval and win her affection.
But, it’s obvious to the woman why the nice guy acts this way.
Women know instinctively that men act overly nice because they’re only after one thing.
Sure, it is the sexual attraction that pulls men to women. And women know that.
But a woman will feel attracted to a man who ISN’T in need of approval, to a guy who acts overly nice to seek her approval.
When a guy acts overly nice and tries to win a woman’s affection with money, the woman sees it as a manipulative tactic to seek sexual favor from her.
To the woman, this guy is another WUSSY she can manipulate and use to her advantage.
Keep in mind attractive women or pretty girls are used to guys showering them with gifts, doing them favors, and caving to their demands.
The more attractive a woman is, the more she’s been treated nicely by men. And the more experience she’ll have in detecting real men from wussies.
Women also see the nice guy as boring
Not only do women perceive the nice guy as manipulative, they also see him as boring.
Because, in addition to doing all the nice things for a girl, he brags about himself and show off as well.
He has no communication skills… he doesn’t know how to communicate to a woman on an emotional level.
So, what does he do?
He brags about himself… thinking it will make the woman like him.
But this only communicates to the woman he’s a needy guy who craves approval. And she wouldn’t find him attractive.
The nice guy doesn’t excite women
Another reason why women don’t find nice guys attractive is that nice guys don’t excite women.
A nice guy is only preoccupied with seeking approval and sexual favor. So he plays it safe because he doesn’t want to screw things up.
Women want to have a good time…
…they crave that flirtation from men, that intimate physical contact, those intimate conversations, and whatnot.
Plus, they might be interested in a guy, but will never verbalize their interest. Because they expect men to make the first move.
Now, the nice guy fails to realize this dynamic.
Instead of leading a woman to a fun experience and eliciting emotional feelings by flirting with her [read how to flirt with a girl], making intimate physical contact, and above all, making his move at the opportune moment… he is reluctant.
All because he doesn’t want to screw things up.
As a result, the woman finds him unexciting and loses interest in him quickly.
His indecisiveness also makes women find him uninteresting
Between men and women, women expect men to take the lead.
They rely on men to decide what to do for the night, where to go, etc.
But instead of taking the lead with women, the nice guy expects the woman to make the decisions.
No wonder women don’t find nice guys attractive.
The kind of guy women or girls find attractive
A man who doesn’t try to please a woman or win her affection with gifts… but demonstrate to her he’s the prize.
They also feel attracted to a man they CANNOT CONTROL… or more precisely, a man who seems to be a challenge for them.
It’s not about doing nice things for a girl or a woman that makes her find you attractive. But, it’s more about how you carry yourself and how you make her feel.
It’s about your personality and how you connect with the girl or woman on an emotional level.
These are what make you attractive to a woman or a girl. [Read the reasons why women don’t choose men that are good for them]
Sure, you can do nice things for a girl. But not in the context of winning her approval… or getting her to fall in love with you. (Note: only do nice things for a girl or a woman you’re ALREADY in a romantic relationship with.)
She will appreciate the nice gestures, but it’s less likely she will feel an attraction for you.
Because not only are you NOT demonstrating an attractive personality, you’re also not tapping into her emotions.
In simple words, you are not triggering her feeling of attraction for you. (Read ‘Forget expensive dinners: do just this one thing and make a woman feel attraction for you’)
“Hot women know very well that they’re attractive to men, and they know that they don’t need to settle for a Wuss who wants to buy them dinner. They want to find a dominant male (or a real man) who is exhibiting his good genes, and then get him to stay with them,” says dating expert David DeAngelo in his book, ‘Attraction Isn’t a Choice.’
It’s not about doing nice things for a woman that makes her find you attractive… It’s more about how you carry yourself.
If you want a girl or a woman to find you attractive, avoid the nice guy’s wussy behavior.
There’s nothing wrong with being nice or doing nice things for a girl or a woman.
But if you do nice things in the context of winning her approval, if you try to communicate to her that you’re worthy of her approval by caving to her demands and doing whatever she wants, not only will she find you UNATTRACTIVE, but she CAN manipulate and use you to her advantage.
On the other hand, when you don’t please a woman to seek approval but you use your attractive personality and mannerism instead, you communicate to her that you value yourself. And thus, she will find you attractive.
So, when you’re with a girl or a woman you find attractive and will want to get into a romantic relationship with, don’t WIMPISHLY do things to please her and seek her approval. Instead, make her feel attracted to you by demonstrating attractive personality and mannerism.
- Demonstrate dominance: Don’t allow a woman to push you around or control you. Take charge of situations and lead women towards your desired goal. Disagree with a woman when she’s in the wrong, including other related things communicating to a woman you’re worthy of respect. [Read the #1 trait that attracts women]
- Be a challenge for her: Don’t desperately pursue her, reduce the phone calls and somehow make yourself scarce. Nonverbally communicate to her you don’t really need her and make her question if you’re really attracted to her. All in all, convey to her that “you’re the prize” and therefore, she has to be the one to seek your approval instead.
- Demonstrate you have standards in life and you don’t accept anything mediocre, or puts up with unacceptable behavior. Plus, don’t be afraid to express your opinion.
- In addition to other related MANLY personality traits, SUBTLY express your desire for her.
“Women AREN’T usually romantically attracted to ‘nice’ guys. Women are attracted to men who are funny, confident, and mysterious. Learn how to attract women with your personality. And being ‘nice’ isn’t going to do it for you,” says dating expert David DeAngelo.
Now, the final words…
It’s a tendency for a guy to always agree and apologize to a woman or a girl in order not to upset her, just as the nice guy is afraid to upset a woman or make her angry.
But what you don’t know is that taking the risk to make a girl or a woman angry is the best way to make her feel a strong attraction for you. Read why taking the risk to anger a girl is the best way to make her feel a strong attraction for you.
So, there you have it – why women don’t find nice guys attractive, and how to stop being a nice guy (or how to not be a nice guy, same thing).
Do you find this article helpful? Then share. And comment below and let me know what you think.