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How to Talk to Girls (to Bond with Them on an Emotional Level)

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“Talking and conversations are the currency of dating and relationships.” – Carlos Xuma.

In order to get a girl or attract a potential lover, you need to be able to talk to girls.

Talking to girls, as I’m sure you know, is much different from talking to your male buddies – and a little bit complicated!

So in this exciting and practical article, I share with you how to talk to girls that will enable you to bond with them on an emotional level and get what you set out to get – friendship, relationship – whatever.

Without further ado, let’s get to it.

Starting the conversation

If she’s a girl you’ve just met, there’re several ways to start a conversation with her.

You can:

  1. notice something interesting or unique about her to comment on… like her necklace, a bracelet, the distinct handbag or purse she’s got, or even the inscription on her shirt can serve as a conversation starter.
  2. make a comment about whatever is happening at the moment to pull her into a conversation.
  3. make a suggestion or contribute input on whatever she’s doing.
  4. ask her a generic question or ask her opinion or her (female) perspective on something – “What do you think about this [item]?”.
  5. be direct and straightforward… “Hi” or “You seem troubled… what’s wrong?”

I’ve tackled the subject of starting a conversation with a girl in another post. Read it here: ‘How to Start a Conversation with a Girl

Also Read: ‘How to Meet Girls’ and ‘How to Approach a Girl

Moving on…

If you’re already friends, then saying something like…

“Anything interesting?” or “What’s up?”

is enough to get her talking and sharing stuff with you.

Before You Start Dating, Read This…

Talk about things that are of interest and emotionally relevant to them…


  1. their life
  2. celebrities’ situations in the news
  3. reality television shows
  4. entertainment
  5. relationships
  6. gossip about friends
  7. share secrets and experiences
  8. talk about feminism

The one thing this list has in common is – it makes girls feel and daydream a little.

A good rule of conversation with girls is that you should discuss topics or talk about things that have drama and sensational possibilities where she can imagine herself in some of the situations, having the same experiences, and feeling emotions. [Read: ‘Things and Topics to Talk About with a Girl’]

Girls are not interested in discussing the latest plasma televisions or the upcoming FIFA 20, because they are not relevant to them… they don’t make them feel. [Read: ‘What Girls Talk About’]

If you talk about something that doesn’t cause curiosity or doesn’t make them feel emotions or is not dramatic and they’re not passionate about it, they usually end up bored. [Read: ‘What Girls Like to Talk About’]

Hint: focus on the drama, the conflicts, the romantic aspects when discussing something to make your conversation more exciting and engaging.

A good rule of conversation with girls is that you should discuss topics that have drama and sensational possibilities.

When you talk to girls…

…genuinely take an interest in their life.

Be curious about who they are and what they’re about – what they like, what they’re passionate about, what they hate, what turns them on, what excites them, what they do when they’re scared, what makes them happy or sad, etc.

Let their interests be your interests and be excited by the things they’re excited by.

This tells a girl you’re genuinely interested in her (who she is) and are not just looking to get into her pants.

Start by asking good questions – questions that get them to share their secrets and experiences with you…

“What do you like to do for fun?”

“How was your day/weekend?”

“What are the good things that happened to you today/during the weekend?”

“Which one of the women on [her favorite reality television show] are you most like?”

Get them to talk about their life and experiences, their passions, dreams, goals, their plans. [Read: ‘Questions to Ask a Girl’]


It’s good to ask a girl questions, but don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to. Especially a question about her past relationship. It’s a perverse self-torture when you do this.

Moving on…

Girls love to talk about themselves…

…sharing their life and innermost feelings.

So when a girl talks too much about herself, sharing something with you about who she is and what she’s interested in, allow her… you will learn more about her.

You will pick up on what is most important to her – the topics that interest her and is passionate about – then you can exploit them.

For instance, when she tells you she’s about to take a trip or she took a trip… she brings it up because she feels excited about it and she wants you to share in that excitement.

Here, take an interest and get her to reveal all the details…

  • “What was it like?”
  • “What was that like?”
  • “How did that feel?”
  • “Really! How?”
  • “Tell me more”
  • “So what happened?”
  • “Walk me through everything that happened”

Make her feel what she says is of importance and that she too is of importance to you.

Listen and demonstrate empathy

If there’s anything that will ruin your relationship with a girl, it’s not to have heard her out and understood her feelings.

Girls want to be heard and understood.

So give them the attention they need.

Listen attentively to what a girl says and try not to interrupt her when she speaks.

Then make her feel she’s been heard… tap into her emotions and feelings and demonstrate that you understand her.

  • “I understand.”
  • “I see what you’re saying.”
  • “I see what you mean. You must have felt very sad/hurt/angry?”

You don’t need to agree with a girl… you just need to understand her.

The simple act of listening to a girl shares her interest and pouring out her feelings, and demonstrating empathy will make her feel comfortable around you enough to talk to you just about anything, and consequently, make her fall in love with you.

Girls experience emotional feelings of attraction toward guys who they feel really hear them and understand them.


…NEVER EVER advise girls

Girls communicate emotionally.

When a girl opens up to you in conversation, she wants you to tap into the way she’s feeling.

When a girl asks you a personal question like “What do you think I should do?”

…mostly, she doesn’t need you to advise her.

She’s probably already made up her mind… and what she needs is an affirmation.

Girls want nothing more than to be reassured.

A girl doesn’t need you (a guy) to solve her problems.

She doesn’t need your guidance or correction.

Trying to advise girls will likely draw you into arguments with them that are unnecessary.

So try not to advise a girl on issues… she has her girlfriends for that.


  1. listen
  2. tap into her emotions and feelings and understand her
  3. ask the “why is that?” sort of questions
  4. encourage and motivate her if the moment calls for it – “I’m sure you’d be great at it.
  5. throw in a dose of humor and playfully tease her along the way

…but never ever advise a girl.

Now, as a girl talks and shares her secrets, experiences, and feelings with you…

…share your similar experiences with her too

If she says something that you can relate to, share your similar experience.

If she once lived in a city you’ve lived in too, talk about your experiences there.

Don’t let a girl do all the talking…

…it’s rude.

Share your experiences too.

A girl will begin to feel an attraction for you when she thinks you listen to her and understands her and she shares something similar to you and you are both interested in the same things.

However, reveal less information about you

Hold back some information about yourself – like your financial status, material possessions, connections, and whatnot – and let the girl find out on her own.

Build her curiosity by being mysterious.

When a girl asks a question concerning your financial capabilities or questions that seem like she’s probing into your personal life… evade. [Read: ‘Questions Girls Ask That Need Not Be Answered’]

The less information you reveal about yourself, the better.

Avoid directly verbalizing your good qualities and let the girl discover them on her own.

This is also to say don’t brag or show off

“You should see my awesome house.”

“I make more money than I can spend.”

“I have a huge dick.”

Bragging communicates to girls you’re a needy guy who craves approval. And most of all, it communicates to a girl you want to get into her pants.

Why else would you brag to a girl if you’re not trying to get her to like you and get her into bed, huh?

It may tempt you to brag or show off to impress a girl, but this will always backfire. She will see through this.

Girls are getting smarter and smarter every day.

They are used to guys bragging and showing off. And any hint of bragging or boastful talk will put her off.

Hint: You impress a girl with your restraint and how you make her feel, not by your accomplishments.

You stand out when you reveal less about yourself and avoid bragging… it shows that you’re not like most guys.

This, as a result, amplifies her attraction to you.

Moving on…

Segue into telling her a story

Tell her a story relating to what you’re talking about.

If you have an interesting story about something that happened in your life, do tell it.

If you’ve got stories that involve romance and a tale of love, all the better.

Girls love to hear good and exciting stories.

So learn to be a good storyteller… and excite girls with story after story.

Avoid gruesome and unpleasant stories like death, rape, and whatnot.

Being able to tell a good story is essential in keeping the conversation going. [Read: ‘How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl’]

Plus, the more you share about yourself, the more the girl gets to know about you, and the more she will want to share her own stories in return.

When all is said and done…

…make your conversation as fun and funny as you can

Be funny and make jokes from time to time.

Make girls laugh and have fun around you.

If something funny happened to you or you have funny stories to share, tell them. [Read: ‘How to Make a Girl Laugh’]

Don’t go overboard with this, though… don’t force yourself to be funny, don’t be a clown and a non-stop comedian. If you try too hard, she will pick up on it and will find you unattractive.

Just be a witty amusing guy and make jokes when necessary.

If you can make her laugh to the point where she pees a little on herself, go for it.

No mean and dirty jokes, though.

When you have a great sense of humor and you make girls laugh consistently and make them feel good, they’ll love you… they will call you and text you often, and they will want to be around you all the time.


…talking to a girl is all about connecting with her on an emotional level.

When there is an emotional connection and rapport between you and her, there is an understanding… you click with her.

The more you connect with her, the more positive emotions she will experience around you. [Read: ‘How to Connect with a Girl on a Deep Emotional Level’]

When you talk to a girl you have feelings for…

…keep cool and relaxed and don’t care what she thinks about you.

If you’re to walk up to a girl and start talking to her with your hands shaking and your voice shaking and sweating profusely and afraid to make straight eye contact, she will know you lack confidence and are even afraid to talk to girls… you don’t want that.

So keep cool and relaxed when you talk to girls.

Speak with confidence… not in a wishy-washy scared way and meandering as if you’re afraid to say something that will make the girl leave you.[Read: ‘Simple Fact about Girls: When You Realize this, Your Success Skyrockets’]

Start out by…

…speaking slowly and pausing to gather your thoughts

Speaking too fast gives off the impression that you feel anxious.

And the fact is, your speech tends to double in speed when you’re nervous.

So slow down when you talk to a girl who somehow excites you.

Don’t hurry your sentences along… take your time.

Let your words flow.

If you need to pause to gather your thoughts, do so confidently.


…be in the moment

Be yourself… don’t force stuff to talk about.

Don’t think too much about what to talk about or what to say. When you think too much, it interferes with your mind’s ability to socially vibe.

So be in the moment… focus on what the girl is saying or on what the conversation is about, instead of thinking too much of what to say next.

When you think too much, it interferes with your mind’s ability to socially vibe.

So there you have it…

…how to talk to girls

I hope this article has given you a deep insight into how to talk to girls.

Do you find it helpful? Then share and tell people about it. And comment below and let me know what you think.

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