If you want dating to become an easy, fun, and rewarding experience, you need to know how to talk to girls.
So, you see this attractive girl sitting on a couch across the room reading a book. And you’re like, “Wow, this girl is gorgeous”. You want to go up to her and talk to her, but you start to feel the cold hand of fear gripped your heart…. just because you don’t know how to talk to girls.
Well, fret not, because in this article, I teach you how to talk to a girl.
If you want to learn how to talk to a girl you like and get her to find you unique and interesting, then this is the article for you.
With the simple strategies I share with you in this article, you’ll never have to worry about going up to a girl and engaging her in an inspiring conversation.
Before we get started on how to talk to girls, I want you to know the important first step to approaching ANY girl and getting over your fear of talking to girls.
Before you approach a girl and strike up a conversation with her…
…work on your confidence.
In other words, do not shy away from approaching girls just because you think you can’t talk to girls and you’re afraid of what might happen.
Don’t be afraid a girl is going to reject you… she doesn’t know you yet.
Be confident in your approach and the conversation you’ll be having with a girl. [Read how to approach a girl]
Talking to a girl is an opportunity to show her how awesome you are.
Let me tell you a bit about girls… understanding this simple fact will help you get girls to like you.
Girls are emotional people…
…and therefore, if you want to evolve a relationship with a girl, you will have to establish an emotional connection with her at the beginning of your interaction.
You establish an emotional connection between you and her, so as to make her trust you and feel comfortable with you.
Establishing an emotional connection with her, in the sense that, she sees you as someone she can talk to and share her innermost feelings with.
(If a guy knows how to talk to a girl, then a girl will feel comfortable sharing her innermost feelings with him.)
It’s NOT just about having something in common… liking the same movie or food. But it’s most importantly about finding out what she values and what is most important to her and exploiting it.
In other words, demonstrate empathy or understanding when having a conversation with a girl.
This is an important step in getting a girl to find you attractive.
And throughout your interaction with her, try to sustain these good emotional feelings (or connection) with her.
The more you connect deeply on an emotional level with a girl, not only will she trust you and feel comfortable with you, but she will also find you attractive.
“A man who can master the art of deep connection with a girl, will automatically increase his chances of attracting her dramatically,” says Kezia Noble, the world’s female leading dating expert, in her program, ‘Deep Connection‘.
So, talking to a girl you like should be about establishing and strengthening an emotional connection with her.
You do this by NOT only talking about things you both have interest in but also digging deep into her life and demonstrating empathy.
Another trick to keep in mind
When talking to a girl, try to keep eye contact with her to further establish the connection you’re building with her.
Pay attention to her and what she says, and make her feel she’s of importance to you.
So, when you boil everything down to its core…
…talking to a girl and getting her to like you and even find you attractive boils down to one thing and one thing only – building an emotional connection with her.
With that said, let’s get started… how to talk to girls.
When you have an emotional connection with a girl, you automatically increase your chances of attracting her.
How to Talk to a Girl: The Process
Initiate the conversation
If she’s not the one to initiate the conversation, then say something to get her talking. [Read how to start talking to a girl you like]
You can start a conversation with a girl by giving her valuable advice or guidance, especially when she is in a situation where she needs advice.
You can also ask her opinion on something to engage her in a conversation.
Or simply make a statement that suggests a commonality between you and her, like being interested in the same thing.
Engage her in a conversation
Now, after initiating the conversation and she’s receptive to talking to you, start with small talk questions.
No… not always the yes-and-no questions.
And no… not her favorite color, or her favorite food.
Ask her open-ended questions about herself… the kind that will get her revealing details about her life to you.
- “Where are you from?”
- “What do you do?”
Is she in college… ask her what she majors in, and the reason she chose that.
Is she working… ask her what inspired her to choose that career.
Get to know her on a DEEPER level.
You’re not going to get anywhere with a girl until you start a conversation with her, and start it off right.
Girls love to talk about themselves
Don’t force to think about the cool things to talk about with a girl.
Instead, listen to her talk about herself, then respond with a statement or an opinion. Or follow up her response with another question relating to what she said.
Now, take note… you don’t want to bore her with PREDICTABLE questions.
Keep in mind, lots of guys have had this same conversation with her – where she’s from, where she schools, where she works.
Therefore, to make a connection with her, you need to BE DIFFERENT.
By making your conversation UNPREDICTABLE and inspiring.
Here’s a predictable line of questions:
- You: “Do you live in the city?”
(she gives you an answer)
- You: “What do you do for a living?”
(she gives you an answer)
- You: “So, where do you work”
(she gives you an answer)
- You: “Do you like your job?”
(she gives you an answer)
- You: “Who’s your boss?”
(she gives you an answer)
- You: “How long have you been working for?”
She will get bored easily.
- “What’s your favorite color?”
(uh-oh! She’s walking away.)
She’s definitely been asked these questions a thousand times.
Sure, this’s an everyday question and it’s bound to come up. But don’t be like the other guys who approach her.
Again, ask open-ended questions.
- “What do you do for a living?”
(She answers you.)
- “Wow, that’s awesome… so what’s the reason for choosing that job?”
Now, she gets to talk about herself.
- “Is that something you wanted to do ever since you were a kid? Or you were forced into it by your parents?”
You see… you’re making a connection, and she’s getting interested.
Try to dig into her past… talk about positive experiences from her past and get to know who she is and what she’s about…
…share your experiences too.
Don’t interrogate her, share something about yourself too
- You: “So where are you from?”
- Her: “Florida”
- You: “No kidding? I went to school out in Florida! I studied law at Florida State. Oh my God, I had some crazy times when I was in college…”
…then you tell her funny stories about your college days (to make her laugh).
But don’t be talking too much about yourself… focus the conversation on her.
Let her be the center of the conversation.
Girls believe that a guy who listen to them will understand them, and hence will be a good lover.
As she’s talking about herself and revealing details about her life to you, take the opportunity to form a strong connection with her.
Fish for a commonality (something you can relate to), or something you both have an interest in… then talk about it.
Are you interested in the same things?
Do you like the same TV shows?
Do you read the same books?
…talk about it.
If you’ve both been to the same city or country before, you can tell some funny stories about your experiences in that city or country too.
If you’ve never been to the city or country before, then say something like:
- “I heard it’s a cool place to visit”
…then get her to talk more about it:
- “Tell me three things that make it such an awesome place”
Listen to what she says, then respond with a statement or an opinion. Or follow up with other questions related to what she said.
What this does is that it builds RAPPORT.
She will feel like you’re just like her, or you’re the kind of guy she wants to hang out with.
Rapport is essential in any relationship. Without rapport, communication becomes awkward, or non-existent.
Be funny and make jokes from time to time
If you didn’t know, girls are attracted to guys with a sense of humor.
So make your conversation with her as fun and funny as you can.
However, this is not the time to act like a clown… don’t force it. Just be a witty, amusing guy and make jokes from time to time.
Here, she will be smiling… but that wouldn’t be enough.
Make her LAUGH to the point that she pees a little on herself… and have a good time around you.
But steer clear of mean and dirty jokes.
(Author’s note: While you learn how to talk to girls, learn how to be funny, also)
Now, ask her deeper questions in order to separate yourself from the other guys she meets
Now, you’re moving from small talk to bigger, deeper talk.
Ask her questions about her dreams, passion, and goals.
Her dream house…
What her goals for the next year would be…
Ask her to tell you what her favorite vacation was and why she took that vacation. Ask her how the experience felt like.
Ask her questions the ordinary guy wouldn’t ask a girl… and show interest in what she says.
For instance, you ask her something like:
- “So, what are the good things that happened to you today?”
And she’s like, “I was pleased with getting a contract completed”
Now, get her to reveal details of it:
- “What was it about completing it that made you feel good? The completion of the hard work? Or the recognition from your boss?”
And when she tells you, you ask her:
- “What was that like? How did that feel?”
Again, girls love to talk about themselves.
And a conversation like this separates you from the rest of the guys…
…because you’re making a deeper connection here.
Now, when you can find another related topic that you can talk about, then transition into it to keep the conversation going.
Truth is, you CANNOT run out of things to say with this method.
Just by letting her do MORE of the talking and listening to her, you can establish a commonality then share something about yourself related to her response…
…and you will have more exciting things to talk about with her.
The only mistake you can make is letting her do ALL the talking.
You have to contribute… tell her about yours and share similar experience too.
This creates a connection between you and her
You want to create an emotional connection with her and have her see you as an attractive guy.
Remember, a girl wants a guy who is interested in who she is and what she’s about. Not just her looks.
“Girls do like to talk about themselves, and asking her questions about herself shows interest on your part about who she is and what she’s about,” says dating expert Joseph Matthews.
Be the one to control the conversation
You don’t want her to steer the conversation into an uninspiring territory.
As I mentioned earlier, talking to a girl you like is about making a deep connection with her and getting her to like you…
…and not killing the attraction you’ve managed to build so far.
Sure, conversations can swing in a different direction. But steer it back toward the attraction-building and inspiring topics.
So be the person to control the conversation by asking the questions or directing it towards the right topics.
Well, if she goes off course, acknowledges what she says, then steer the conversation back to an inspiring topic.
Truth is, if you’re not wowing her, she’s going to get bored easily. And the connection will be severed, and consequently, the attraction she feels for you will also start to evaporate.
If she asks you a tricky question that seems to put you on the spot, like:
- “Do you think I’m pretty”
- “Do you say these things to all the girls?”
- “Are you seeing another girl?”
…try not to answer her directly whenever possible. (She’s probably testing you)
Instead, answer her question with a question:
- “Why do you ask?”
Or use humor to redirect her curiosity:
- Her: “Are you seeing another girl?”
- You: “Are you?”
What if you have nothing in common?
It doesn’t matter.
What matters is finding out what she values and what is most important to her, and then demonstrate empathy or understanding.
Don’t lie about having something in common… just to get a girl to like you.
If you don’t share the same interests, you should still tell her about yours.
If she says she likes cats, do not tell her that you don’t like cats. Just ask her why she likes them.
Nevertheless, talk about related topics that interest her. [Read topics to talk about with girls]
Control conversations and steer them towards attraction-building and inspiring topics.
Avoid boring conversations…
Conversations that has nothing to do with bonding.
…like politics, her ex-boyfriend, your ex-girlfriend, or how nice your car is.
Even if she initiates such topics, try to steer the conversation in a different direction.
Plus, do not complain about your personal problems… she doesn’t want to hear them.
You see, you want to create a connection and emotional feelings within a girl when you’re talking to her.
You should talk about the topics that she finds interest in…
…ask her about her dreams, her passion, hobbies, then follow up with questions that will get her to reveal details about it.
Get her to talk about her childhood:
- “What kind of things did you learn from your childhood?”
…or what she prioritizes in life:
- “So, if you could choose anything about the job you wanted, would you choose the pay, the people, or the responsibilities?”
Or even the craziest thing she’s ever done.
Her darkest desire.
And as she tells you all about it, share yours too.
Stay away from the following discussions:
- Violent stories
- Ghost stories
- Horror movies (unless she’s into such movies)
…pretty much anything that has NOTHING to do with bonding with her, connecting with her on an emotional level, or her interests.
Also, avoid conversations that are negative about you…
…like how your brother used to beat you up, or how your ex-girlfriend left you for your best friend.
Don’t show your weakness or vulnerability thinking it will make a girl to like you.
Trust me, it will rather repel her.
You can talk to a girl just about anything…
…from TV shows to the latest fashion trend (these are some of the things girls like to talk about).
But the best way to talk to a girl you like is to bond or build a connection with her.
Talk about things that create an emotional connection or generate some good feelings within her.
Talk about interesting, funny, positive and exciting topics… her favorite movies, her favorite music, or her favorite celebrity.
Don’t give too much detail about yourself
Yes… you must also share your interests with a girl. But you shouldn’t tell a girl you barely know everything about yourself.
Of course, you would want to tell her how you love to volunteer at a children’s hospital or do charity work. But hold back on them bragging talks for now.
Let her find out herself… through her own detective work, via your friends or by stalking you on Facebook.
The way to get a girl interested in you is to create a mystery in her mind… keep her in suspense.
“What does he do in his free time?”
“What’s his story?”
Even when she asks, don’t give her every detail.
Read More: How to Keep a Conversation Going
When all is said and done, here’s the secret on how to talk to girls:
- Ask open-ended questions about herself.
- Listen to her talk about herself.
- Make a statement, or give an opinion when necessary.
- Pick up on something interesting about what she says and start a new conversation (a related topic)… it could be a story.
- When she says something interesting, get her to give you more details: “Tell me more”.
Everything I’ve given in this article is a guideline on how to talk to girls.
But in the end, if you get her talking about herself, you’ll be better off than 90 percent of the guys who approach her.
Important stuff to know
An attractive girl has the impression that the reason why guys approach her is that they want to get into their pants.
Guys after guys have approached her trying to hit on her.
So, when the next guy approaches her with some compliments that telegraph bad intent, her defenses go up.
So, avoid indecent suggestive topics in the early stages, unless she initiates it.
Nevertheless, be subtle about your responses if she starts talking about it.
“Just because she mentions how her roommate’s s*x screams keep her up at night from the noise doesn’t mean you should then ask her about how loud she screams,” says dating expert Carlos Xuma in his book, ‘The Seduction Method‘.
Should the conversation take a se*ual twist…
…then joke with it.
Make it seem like you’re interested in who she is and what she’s about, and not some other selfish interest.
If she’s getting flirty, then play along… tease her about having a dirty mind.
Heck, she’s already comfortable with you and she wants to exercise her dark and devious side a little.
Nevertheless, demonstrate your alpha manliness and look at s*x as being your secondary priority.
So that’s how to talk to girls.
Other important tips on how to talk to girls
- Don’t ASK her if she’s got a boyfriend. You’ll know sooner or later.
- Avoid asking her questions that are too directly aimed at her negatives.
- Mention her name a couple of times in your conversation.
- Don’t hurry through your conversation. Slow your speech down, or pause if need be.
- Don’t telegraph your interest in her. This means, openly telling her you like her or she’s pretty, and all that. She already knows that from your actions.
- Only compliment her when it’s worth it, especially if she’s work on her hair to look her best. And do it at the beginning of your interaction.
- Don’t agree with everything she says. Yes, I mentioned earlier that you should demonstrate understanding… but when she says something without regard for facts or truths, let her know she’s in the wrong. When you seek her approval, you come across as a wimp – a major turned off for girls.
- Lastly, don’t brag.
When you know how to talk to girls, dating becomes an easy, fun, and rewarding experience.
Conclusion: How to Talk to Girls
Now, you know how to talk to girls.
You may not be 100 percent perfect. But at least you know how to talk to a girl and the things they like to talk about.
Now it’s time to put it into action.
Practice the above methods on people or friends you speak to on a daily basis. And with time, you’ll no longer focus on learning how to talk to girls; you will know how to talk to girls.
You can also use this method to talk to girls online or on the phone. (Online chats are also another easy way to talk to girls.)
And when you impress a girl with your conversation skill, she will call you up and will want to hang out with you more.
A guy who knows how to talk to a girl will have girls calling up on him wanting to hang out.
So there you have it – how to talk to girls in order to get them to find you unique and interesting.
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