How to Get a Girlfriend: Step-By-Step Guide

how to get a girlfriend

Exactly as the title says, in this article, I teach you how to get a girlfriend.

You will learn how to get a girlfriend – from meeting girls to approaching your target girl… talking to her and getting her attracted to you… and displaying your interest in ways that won’t get you rejected.

I start by giving you the personality traits and behaviours girls lookout for in a guy or a potential boyfriend.

Next, I share with you an absurd but proven strategy that will get ANY girl to want you so bad.

After that, I get to the ‘meat’ of this article – how to get a girlfriend. I give you step by step guide and AN EFFECTIVE STRATEGY at the end, on how to get a girlfriend fast.

Then finally, I give you some do’s and don’ts that is going to help you in your endeavour to meeting single girls and dating them.

You get pretty much all the basis you need to know on how to get a girlfriend.

So, before we get started on how to get a girlfriend… let start with what women want from men, or lookout for in a guy.

What do women want or lookout for in a potential boyfriend?

  • They want a guy with a sense of humor.
  • They want a guy with higher status, a.k.a. top dog.
  • They want a guy who is fun, adventurous and romantic.
  • They want passion and excitement in their lives. And that means they’re attracted to a guy with a sense of purpose.
  • They want a guy who can show leadership characteristic. Including taking her to interesting places without asking.
  • They want a guy who can make them feel special and wanted. And this includes listening to them and demonstrating empathy.
  • They want a guy who can make them feel safe and comfortable. And making her feel safe is by being honest and transparent with her. This will make them open up to you because they know they feel safe around you.
  • They also say they want a guy who can express his emotions. (Hint: Control your emotions and don’t let them manipulate you by it.)

These and more, are what women find attractive in a guy. So try to demonstrate them during your interaction with women or girls.

Other personality traits and behaviours to exhibit will be mentioned in this article.

Let’s move on…

The best dating advice for you

An important rule you should abide by, especially when you first meet attractive women is to…

…PRETEND you’re not attracted or interested in them.

When you meet a girl you find attractive, don’t make it seem like you have an agenda.

Sure, her appearance will leave you trapped under her spell (and she knows it).

But don’t fawn… don’t put her up on a pedestal.

No… don’t let her KNOW you desperately want her, ESPECIALLY at the early stages.

Don’t be smiling excessively.

Instead, act as if you’re not interested in her.

The only thing you’re interested in is getting to know who she is and what she’s about.

This may seem completely absurd, since you want to let her know you’re interested in her, hoping she will reciprocate.

But showing interest TOO SOON, as dating expert Joseph Matthews as written, “this could make your seduction down the road harder than it needs to be.”

To put it simple… when you meet an attractive girl and show signs of interest, it puts her on guard. Or gives her the upper hand.

Read More: An Absurd But Proven Tactic that Makes Any Girl Want You So Bad

Now, why show no interest if surely, you’re interested in a girl?

…because you come across differently from the other guys who have approached her.

Keep in mind, she is used to guys always hitting on her.

She’s a gorgeous gal and SHE KNOWS you’re attracted to her. That’s why you approached her in the first place.

But when you ACT CONTRARY to her expectations and most importantly, show traits she finds attractive in a guy, it gets her attention and she will WANT you.

So remember this simple rule: PRETEND you’re not attracted or interested in a girl you’re attracted to.

With that said, let’s get started… how to get a girlfriend.

How to Get a Girlfriend: Step by Step

Given below are proven tactics and strategies on how to get a girlfriend.

Let’s begin…

Know what you want

This’s an important first step to jumping into the dating scene and finding a girlfriend…

…know the type of girl you want and the things you would want in a girl.

In other words, have standards and don’t settle for what you get.


Because you don’t want to end up with the wrong girl. Plus, it helps you stay focused on the steps you need to take to find a girlfriend.

What type of girl do you want? Asian, black, white, blonde, brunette or redhead? A beautiful girl with blue eyes? Or a gorgeous girl with lips like Angelina Jolie?

Do you want a girl who likes to party? Or you want a girl raised up in a Christian home?

Know the type of girl you want and follow the steps in this article in finding her.

I don’t want to go into the “positive visualisation” stuff. But you know that WHAT YOU FOCUS ON YOU WILL ATTRACT.

So though you will meet lots of single girls and have great conversations with them, save your best tactics for the girl you want and make her fall in love with you.

Sure, engage any girl in an exciting conversation, but don’t settle for what you’re lucky to get.

And hopefully you will find that perfect girl that fits your ideal girl.

Moving on… what do you do to get a girlfriend?

Work on your self-confidence

Be confident with yourself.

Believe that you’re an attractive guy and that every woman will be lucky to be with you.

The last thing you want to do is communicate to a girl that you’re nervous.

Don’t shy away from approaching attractive girls just because you think they’re out of your league. And don’t be afraid a girl is going to reject you… SHE DOESN’T KNOW YOU YET.

Read that again… SHE DOESN’T KNOW YOU YET.

No girl is going to slap you just because you approached her.

First of all, you’re a stranger to her, and she’s has no choice but to be polite to you.

Know that she’s just like any other girl looking for a man.

Now, keep this in mind… being preoccupied with the concept that you have to prove yourself to a girl so that she likes you, is what creates approach anxiety or fear of rejection.

It makes you nervous because you think she has the final say.

No, she doesn’t…

Instead, she is the one who has to prove herself to you.

So don’t put a girl on a pedestal. And don’t care about what she thinks about you.

Girls are attracted to confident guys. And they’re expecting you to be confident.

And when she notices this trait in you… she will be attracted to you.

Now, know this…

…girls are not attracted to your looks.

There are not-so-good-looking guys out there with beautiful women.

So don’t have the notion that you can never land yourself a beautiful girl.

You can…

…and it begins with the right mindset.

So again, know what you want and don’t settle for what you’re lucky to get.

If you’re working so hard to get a girlfriend, it could be because you’re focusing on too many negatives.

Before you find yourself a girlfriend, know this… first impressions count

What am I talking about here?

I’m talking about your appearance and body scent.

Appearance… this includes your hairstyle, your facial hair, your dressing and even your skin.

Shave or trim excess body hair, including your nose, and ear hair. Also, clip your nails or remove any dirt underneath.

Before you go out in public, shower, apply deodorant, apply cologne, and dress in a neat manner.

Your breath… use mouthwash. And carry some breath mints.

If you have to whiten your teeth, do so.

If you’re thinking of hitting the gym, that’s also a good idea.

Groom yourself to make yourself as presentable as possible. You have to look your best to attract girls.

Luckily, this can even get women to APPROACH you.

(Check out men’s magazines for other style and fashion tips)

Always look your best at all times. You just never know when you will meet your potential girlfriend.

Now, go out and meet girls

There’re lots of places to meet women… museums, book stores, libraries. In fact, anywhere you see a girl.

Now, as I mentioned earlier… know the type of girl you want and the things you would want in a girl.

Why is this important again?

Because it narrows your search. And you would know where to find the type of girl you want.

Now, if you’re looking for a girlfriend who likes to party or enjoys outdoor activities, then nightclubs, bars and parties are your best bet.

If you want the religious type, then you guessed it… you will find her in the church.

Now, I’m not saying you cannot meet your ideal girl in other places that probably doesn’t conform to her personality.

Like if you want a religious girl, it doesn’t mean you cannot find her at a nightclub.

You can…

But your chances of meeting a religious girl at nightclubs is slim to none.

So if you want to meet a particular type of girl, you have to go to places that are DESIGNED to help you meet that particular type of girl.

Moving on…

Now that you know the type of girl you want and where to find her. And most importantly, you know how to carry yourself.

Let’s move on to how to approach a girl and strike a conversation with her.

Approach the girl you like and engage her in a conversation…

Again, as mentioned earlier, don’t be afraid a girl is going to reject you…


And as I mentioned earlier also, there’s a wrong way to approaching beautiful women…

…and that is being transparent with your interest when you first approach a woman or start talking to her.

Almost every guy who have approach her compliments her on her looks and all that, all because they want something from her.

Again, this kind of approach will put her on guard.

So the best way to approach any woman is to approach her WITHOUT displaying signs of interest.

You see… girls or women have the notion that, we guys approach them because we’re attracted to them and we want something from them.

So when you walk up to a girl and show signs of interest, “hi, pretty… what’s your name?”, she might reject you and walk away.

Even if she doesn’t, you will have a hard time with her. Because she will have the upper hand in your interaction.

But when you approach her in a neutral way, she will accept you.

Sure, direct approach can work in some situations, for instance when approaching women in bars or nightclubs.

But how do you approach beautiful women and initial a conversation without triggering her warning light?

I’ve already covered in detail how to approach girls or women in another post, “How to Approach Girls“. But I will reiterate it here:

Here’s how to go about your approach:

You can find something unique or interesting about her that you can comment on.

For instance, if she’s wearing an interesting necklace, or has a distinct handbag or purse, or even has an interesting inscription on her shirt. Approach her and say something like:

  • “Excuse me, those are interesting shoes/bag/jewellery. Where did you get them?”
  • “Excuse me, I’m looking for a birthday gift for my sister/mum/aunt, and that necklace/bag/purse looks like her style. Where did you get it?”
  • “That’s an interesting top. What’s the story behind it?”

When she responds, talk a little about it then transition into getting to know her.

You can also approach and initiate a conversation by asking her opinion on something, or give her a valuable advice in a situation where she needs one.

Want to be direct? you can say something like:

  • “Hi, you seem like a fun/cool/interesting/awesome person, and I wanted to meet you! My name is Joe… what’s your name?”

Just say anything to engage her in a conversation, then continue from there.

Read how to start a conversation with women for more ways to approach women and engage them in a conversation.

Girls love to talk about themselves. So ask her questions about herself, then follow up her respond with a comment or a question related to what she says. [Read how to talk to girls]

DO NOT try to pick up a girl

If you first approach a girl, your aim should be to get to know her.

Not only will this help get rid of your approach anxiety, but when you approach this way, she will be receptive to talking to you.

When all is said and done, always approach with a smile.

Approaching a girl with ‘I want to know you’ mentality helps you get past your anxiety and fear

Find a girl you like? Then take baby steps

Take your time to know the girl. Don’t rush things.

She’s probably checking to see if you’re a perfect fit for her too. So it behoves you to NOT rush and start planning for the big date.

Just take things one step at a time – gain rapport, establish a connection, strengthen the connection, then make your move.

When you rush things, you come across as desperate. And desperation repels girls.

“A primary success habit of the effective seducer is patience. You have to slow down and make sure that your pace is not too fast for her, or out of step with where she is at any given time. Rushing implies that you lack self-confidence. When you rush through a seduction, you are certain to fail.” Says dating expert Carlos Xuma, in his program ‘The Seduction Method’.

Slow down and don’t be in a hurry to rush her into a relationship.

And remember the rule… pretend you’re not interested in her.

Sure, you’re happy that things are going on great. And she could be showing some signs of interest. But don’t appear needy or desperate.

Keep in mind… she can read you like a magazine. And what this does is kill attraction.

You want to communicate to her you don’t need anything from her. And besides, you have other interests beside chasing skirt.

So this is what you do instead…

…you screen her.

As it is important to know the type of girl you want, it is also equally important to ‘examine’ her to check suitability…

…or if she fits your ideal girl.

Why is this also important?

Because you don’t want to settle with a girl you’re not compatible with.

Probably, it’s your desire to get a girl whose life goals are aligned with yours, or a girl you share a commonality with.

As I mentioned earlier, know the type of girl you want and what you want in a girl.

(Know her early before things get serious. Because when the unexpected happens, she will guilt you into marrying her.)

Now, if she’s not the type of girl you want, it’s not a wasted effort… become friends instead.

And this takes us to the next step…

Make some female friends along the way

It’s evident that you won’t get a girlfriend in one go.

And the fact that you meet women or girls you don’t feel attraction for doesn’t mean you should not be friends with them.

Make friends with the girls who don’t match your criteria. And try to keep in touch with them.

Here, you can hang out with your new female friends. And the good news is they can introduce you to their girlfriends and you can meet your potential girlfriend through them.

Make friends with the girls who don’t match your criteria.

Now, once you meet a girl you like, you move to the next step…

Connect with her on a deeper emotional level

Women or girls are emotional creatures. They require emotional connection to feel attraction for a guy.

Therefore, if you want to have a romantic relationship with them, you will have to gain rapport and connect with them on an emotional level.

You connect with a girl you like on an emotional level, so as to make her feel trust and comfortable around you.

How do you do this?

By asking her DEEPER QUESTIONS ABOUT HERSELF and showing interest, sharing a commonality if any, and demonstrating empathy or understanding.

Ask her questions about herself and find something from her response to relate to. Then share your similar experience or tell her story about it.

Start with superficial questions, where she’s from, what she does, what she majors in college, etc. Then move to deeper questions, what inspired her to choose a particular course or career.

When she gives you an answer, try to find a commonality and share your similar experiences with her.

Be involved in the conversation. Don’t let her do all the talking.

Encourage her to talk more about herself, and the more you’ll connect with her on an emotional level.

The more she shares something with you about who she is or what she’s interested in, and you too can relate to it and share similar experiences with her, before you know it… a strong emotional connection is formed between the two of you.

That’s how to get a girl to like you before escalating things to the next level.

If you’re interested in the same things, talk more about it to strengthen the connection.

Read how to talk to a girl to learn how to gain rapport and connect with a girl on an emotional level.

If you want to get any girl attracted to you, you need to make deep connection with her at the very beginning of meeting her.

Now, to further strengthen the emotional connection between the two of you…

Mini-date with her

Not specifically the traditional date activity, like a candlelit dinner or movie. But go to places where you can show her an interesting and unique time. Like fairs, or a simple walk on the park where you can HOLD HANDS and have a great time together.

Grabbing a drink or a bite to eat is also a good way to mini-date with her. And it should not be at one place or location. Take her to many different places.

If you want to go to a movie, then make sure you don’t spend several hours just sitting there.

Find more time afterwards to hang out, walk around and TALK.

Your goal here should be about MAXIMIZING the time you have with the girl.

And this can be done in your first day of meeting the girl.

And what this does it to further strengthen the connection between the two of you, and get her comfortable with you.

Getting a girlfriend is all about connecting with her on a deeper emotional level. And mini-dating is how to get a girlfriend fast.

Make her feel good about herself and you. Else it will take very long to get anywhere with her.

Maximize the time you have with a girl to build a strong connection with her.

Other techniques to build attraction and make her want you

By now, you’ve got her attracted to you.

She probably wasn’t interested in you at first. But you’ve successfully gained rapport with her. And she will want to know you better.

But remember, you’re not the only guy trying to win her heart.

So what separates you from the rest of the guys? How do you make her choose you over the hundred guys calling and texting her every night?

I’ve already talked about pretending you’re not interested in her, yet demonstrating traits she finds attractive. Again, this will make her desire you.

I’ve also talked about asking her deeper questions about herself, sharing a commonality if any, and demonstrating empathy or understanding. This builds emotional connection between the two of you. Even if you share nothing in common, getting her to talk about herself and demonstrating empathy is enough to make her attracted to you.

Then… mini-dating with her.

Now, let’s look at other traits to get a woman to want you…

Personality traits to display to make women want you:

  • Always be positive. Look for the best in everything.
  • Display a fun personality. Go out and try new exciting things together.
  • Flirt with her. [Read how to flirt with girls]
  • Playfully tease her and bust her balls every chance you get. (But don’t tease her about her appearance). Watch her responses to see if she is offended in any way. If she is, back off a little bit.
  • Demonstrate humor and make her laugh and have a good time around you. (Don’t force it)
  • Have standards and don’t seek her approval. This trait makes a girl fall in love with you, because she knows you don’t settle for mediocrity.
  • Display a confident body language, including speaking slowly, touching her when emphasising a point, making eye contact, being a leader etc.
  • Maintain eye contact when talking to women. Women requires eye contact to feel a connection. Plus, nothing communicates confidence better than direct eye contact.
  • Try to touch a woman lightly on her arm or shoulder when talking to her. Not only does it makes her comfortable with you, but it also helps strengthen the connection you are building with her.
  • Smile when talking to a girl. This communicates to her you’re a fun guy, and you enjoy her company and what she is saying to you. And you will get her to like you even more.
  • Show intelligence. Not the bookish kind of guy, but be smart and up to date in knowledge. Know what you’re talking about and the right thing to say. (Don’t go overboard)
  • Be a challenge, don’t try to impress a woman. Demonstrate that you are a high status guy, and she must win your approval.

Lookout for signs of interest from her, or move on

Now, when you’re interacting with your newly met potential girlfriend, save your seduction for later until you can tell she’s indeed really interested in you.

Otherwise, don’t waste your time with her, move on and find a different girl. [Read 70 Signs Girls Gives Off That Signal Their Attraction and Interest in a Guy]

But when you read her body language and you can tell she’s into you, then you know you’re on a homestretch.

Right then and there you can go for a kiss to make your intentions known. Or ask her out on your first official date.

When you ask a girl out, you’re communicating to her that you’re interested to her, and you want to start a relationship with her.

So, that’s how to get a girlfriend.

If a girl is not willing to see you again, then you didn’t do a good enough job building a connection with her.

An important stuff to know

It is a tendency to go for a girl’s phone number right after meeting a girl, to try to meet up with her some other time.

While this may be the dating custom, I recommend you mini-date a girl the first day of meeting her. And go for her phone number when you’re unable to hang out with her any longer.

As mentioned above, mini-date a girl and establish and strengthen the connection between the two of you.

Again, mini-dating is how to get a girlfriend fast.

Go to different places and spend QUALITY time together. Hold hands and talk about what excites both of you. (This is also how to get a girlfriend in a day.)

The major reason why you should mini-date with a girl right after you meet her is because, chances of getting together in a later day is low.

Why so?

Because you probably haven’t stood out.

When you don’t gain rapport and connect very quickly with her, she might give you a fake phone number.

Even if you’re lucky to get her real number, either she will never return your calls, or it could take forever to get together with her again.

So instead of asking for her mobile number straight away, mini-date with her for as long as you could the very first day you meet her.

Then when you’ve spent the whole day having QUALITY fun and it’s time to go home, you ask her out or MAKE PLANS to see each other again.

Say something like:

  • “I really enjoyed hanging out with you, and I’d love to do it again sometime. Would you like to grab some coffee [specific day]?”

Then once you’ve set up a date, you ask for her number or exchange numbers.

Don’t wait for a right opportunity to ask her out and date. Your first meeting is the right opportunity to date and connect with her.

The first time you meet a girl is the best time to date her. Not several days later.

Other useful dating tips on how to get a girlfriend

  • Never give a lame compliment, such as complimenting her on her looks. Girls hear compliments all the time, and this could telegraph your intention.
  • Don’t be Mr. nice guy, thinking it will score you some points.
  • Always be confident in yourself and your actions. Have fun, feel good, and be happy. And you’re sure to get her attracted to you.
  • Don’t take a girl out to expensive restaurants, or buy her expensive gifts to impress her.
  • Try not to brag about yourself, how much money you make, or the kind of car you drive to impress girls. Instead impress girls with your sense of humor, conversation skills and other attractive personality traits mentioned in this article. That’s how to impress a girl.
  • Your target girl is probably looking for a boyfriend. So she will screen and test you to see if you’re a perfect fit for her. So again, have standards and don’t let her treat you any less.

These are very useful tips on getting a girlfriend, so keep them in your back pocket.

The only reason you don’t have a girlfriend yet is because you don’t want it badly enough

Conclusion: How to get a girlfriend

So there you have it… How to get a girlfriend.

It’s time to get out there and get the girl you want.

The above strategies, steps and tips on how to get a girlfriend could take anywhere from a day to a month.

Nevertheless, if you’re looking to get a girlfriend today or this year, then it’s time to take action.

Don’t tell yourself you want a girlfriend, yet you’re not taking action.

The only reason you don’t have a girlfriend yet or never had a girlfriend is because you don’t want it badly enough.

Reading this great-and-worth-sharing article will help you understand how to get a girlfriend fast and easy. But you need to couple this knowledge and understanding with motivation, and take action.

Then and only then, will you get that beautiful, wonderful, and attractive girlfriend you’ve always dreamed of.

That is how to get a girlfriend.

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