“If you know how to approach women, your success with interacting with them will improve dramatically.” – Unknown Author.
How do you approach a woman you don’t feel ANY attraction for?
You just walk up to her and start talking to her… right? Yes.
You can easily approach any woman you don’t feel ANY attraction for, and start talking to her without thinking of how she’s going to react.
Because you don’t CARE. Plus, you are not interested or attracted to her in the first place.
But when it comes to approaching beautiful women or women you’re attracted to, then the cold hand of fear grips your heart. And all sort of unpleasant outcomes pops up in your head.
But truth is… all women are equal
Just like you can easily walk up to a woman you’re not interested in and start talking to her, you can easily approach and start talking to a woman you feel attracted to.
The only thing stopping you is the fear of approaching women – the fear she will reject you. And just like most men, you’re scared to approach women because you focus on unlikely bad outcomes.
To help you in your journey to approaching women in public, or approaching women on the street and social venues, I have written this article for you.
In this article, I teach you how to approach women anywhere.
I start out by discussing the right mindset to approaching the women you feel attracted to.
Then, I share with you what NOT to do when you approach or meet a woman for the first time. (These are common mistakes I see most men make.)
After that, we get to the meat of this article. I give you the actual steps and tips on how to approach a lady of your choosing. And engage her in a conversation without fear of rejection. Here, you will learn how to approach women/ladies in three different environments or situations. You will learn how to approach a woman on the street. You will also learn how to approach a woman at a bar and other social venues. And then you will also learn how to approach a group of ladies/women and isolate your target girl. (Keep in mind these three environments or situations are different in nature, and therefore calls for a different way of approach)
Finally, l share with you an important stuff you should know when approaching women for the first time. (This simple and proven tip makes women receptive to talking to you.)
With that said, let’s get started on how to approach women.
Before you approach a beautiful woman and start talking to her…
No woman is going to slap you just because you approached her.
You’re a stranger to her, and she has to be polite to you.
So be confident in yourself and your ability to walk up to any woman and initiate a conversation.
The trick is, don’t be preoccupied with expectations. Most especially, do not care how the woman is going to react.
Instead concentrate on how she is going to love the conversation you will having with her. And how she would want to hang out with you more afterwards.
If you’re nervous, she will sense it. And she will find you unattractive (which wouldn’t be a good first impression).
So the last thing you want to do is communicate to a woman that you’re nervous around her.
Before I teach you how to approach women, let me say this…
…when it comes to women and dating, the best rule of thumb is to know what NOT to do.
To borrow a phrase from Joseph Matthews, author of The Art of Approaching, “Sometimes, it’s more important to know what NOT to do, than what to do”.
So just as it is important to know what to do (how to approach women or the best ways to approach women), it is more important to know what NOT to do.
Because, this is the mistake that will turn a woman off. Or even make your interaction with her harder.
So let’s look at the wrong ways to approach a woman you feel attraction for.
The wrong ways of approaching a lady/woman
Many guys make the mistakes of giving lame compliments and using pick-up lines when they approach the woman they’re interested in.
Even though these might work in some situations, the likelihood of being rejected is high.
Because some compliments and pick-up lines directly communicate to the woman what your intentions are.
Understand this… attractive or hot women have the notion that men approach them because they want something from them.
So when you walk up to a woman and use a cheesy pick-up line, her guard goes up. And she’s likely to reject you.
“Attractive women are approached all the time. Even women who are what you might call ‘average’ are approached by men on a pretty regular basis. So when you’re about to approach a woman, keep in mind that it’s not like you’re going to try something that she’s never heard of before”, says David DeAngelo, author of ‘Double your Dating‘.
Now, I’m not saying using pick-up lines is not how to approach women ever.
Sure, it might work in some instances. But what’s universally acceptable to all women, and how women like to be approached (or how women want to be approached, same thing), is to approach with SUBTLETY.
Always err on the side of caution
Instead of using pick-up lines when you approach a lady for the first time, approach her in a NEUTRAL way. Thus, the same way you would when approaching women you don’t feel attraction for.
Simply saying something like, “Great weather today, huh?”, is neutral enough to get any woman you want receptive to talking to you. (It’s not so much about the approach. But it’s about the conversation starter.)
So all in all, when you approach a woman for the first time, what you say to initiate the conversation with her shouldn’t come across as if you’re hitting on her.
The good thing with the neutral way of approaching a woman in public and social venues is that, it helps you get past her defensive shield and make her receptive to talking to you.
With that said, let’s get started… how to approach women.
When you approach a woman for the first time, what you say shouldn’t come across as if you’re hitting on her
How to Approach a Woman You Don’t Know
Again, as I previously mentioned… no woman is going to slap you just because you approached her.
The important thing to remember is that when approaching a woman for the first time, approach with SUBTLETY.
When done right, even the most unfriendly woman will be receptive to talking to you. But when you approach women using lame compliments and cheesy pick-up lines, even the shy woman will reject you before you even say “what’s up”.
So here are 3 steps to follow when approaching a woman for the first time:
- Study your target woman’s situation
- Move close to her without making your intentions obvious
- Make a neutral comment or ask her opinion on something
No matter what environment your target woman is in, remember to follow the above 3 steps. And any woman you approach will respond to you positively.
Now, let’s go into detail – how to approach a woman for the first time.
First, we look at how to approach women on the street or other places like, grocery store, museum, coffee shop, etc. (This excludes venues that provides entertainment, like bars and parties).
After that we look at how to approach a woman in a bar, the club, parties and at other social venues.
And then I also teach you how to approach a woman with her friends or how to approach a group of women then isolate your target girl.
Here’s how to approach and talk to women on the street or other public places:
Study your target girl’s situation and find your opener.
(Opener is what to say when you approach a woman to initiate a conversation, a.k.a. your conversation starter. It can be anything from making a comment or a statement, to asking a question or asking her opinion on something.)
So find something that will be your reason for approaching her. (Remember, the best way to approach a woman you feel attraction for is to be subtle.)
Now let’s look at two examples or scenarios on how to approach a woman and what to say when approaching a woman to initiate a conversation.
Check your target girl out from her head to her feet and find something you can comment on.
Make sure it’s unique and shouldn’t seem like you’re the tenth guy of the day to comment on it.
Check out her handbag… is it cool? Look at her shoes. Does she have a distinct necklace? Her shirt… is there any inscription on it that can serve as a good conversation starter?
Do you find something you can comment on? Then move close and say something like:
- “That’s an interesting shoe/handbag/necklace… where did you get it?”
- “Excuse me, I’m looking for a birthday gift for my sister/mum/aunt/WOMAN FRIEND, and that necklace/bag/shoe/purse looks like her style. Where did you get it?”
Easy… now, you’ve initiated a conversation. Talk about it for a while, then transition into more lively discussion, like getting to know her.
(Using ‘girlfriend’ is a good way to get past a woman’s suspicion that you’re hitting on her.)
Grocery store or supermarket example:
When she’s shopping for wine:
- “Hey, I’m trying to figure out which wines are good here. How do you like yours?”
Look around the store and find something that can serve as a conversation starter. Then approach her and engage her in a neutral conversation.
If it’s about some dogs fighting, get close to her and make a comment about it.
- “I will bet you 5 bucks the one with the brown fur will win”
(Again, it’s not so much about how to approach women, but how to start a conversation with them.)
Approach her and ask her opinion on something:
- “Does my shirt makes me look fat?”
- “Hi, I need a female opinion on something… when a woman asks me whether her clothes make her look fat, what should I say?”
Whichever environment you find yourself in, you can approach any woman you feel attraction for and start talking to her.
Just study her situation, move close to her without making your intentions obvious, then make a neutral comment or ask her opinion on something.
If you want to approach a woman without being creepy, make a neutral comment or ask her opinion on something
Now, let’s look at how to approach women in bars and places they go to have a good time.
How to Approach Women in a Club, or in a Bar
Undoubtedly, bars and clubs are common places most men go to ‘pick-up’ women. And it’s a tendency to offer to buy your target woman a drink to get her to talk to you.
Again, this type of approach might work. But as I stated earlier, it communicates to the woman what your intentions are. And the likelihood of being rejected is high.
So now, how should you approach women at such venues without being rejected?
First, keep in mind that women here know you are attracted to them. That’s why you approached in the first place.
So offering to buy her a drink or using pick-up lines will put her on guard. And she can choose to accept or reject you.
Even saying “Hi” and your demeanour can communicate to her what your intentions are.
So the best way to approach a lady/woman here, is to demonstrate that you’re NOT hitting on her.
Here’re some scenarios and what to say to women when you approach them in bars:
Move close to her and don’t make your intentions obvious. Then make a comment about whatever is going on there.
Let’s assume there’s a television in the bar. Sit close to her… pause for a second… then say something like:
- “What do you think about this show?” (supposedly she’s watching)
If she is offended because some dude tried to hit on her, say something like:
- “Do you have a problem with guys at bars?”
Ask her about what she’s drinking:
- “Is that apple margarita?”
You see, this type of approach is neutral, and she’s not going to act unfriendly or reject you.
Because here, you’re not hitting her. But just making small talks or making a comment.
When she responds positively, follow up her response with another question relating to what she said.
And if she’s open to talking to you, move things further by talking about other related topics. And then getting to know who she is and what interests her.
The key factor to successful approach at bars…
Being successful at approaching women in bars and other places (even approaching women at work), is to act as if you’re not interested in them. But instead, trying to have a normal conversation with them.
Try not to hit on a woman, or use cheesy pick-up lines. (They’ve heard them a thousand times)
And finally, when approaching women at bars or approaching women in general, approach from her side. If she sees you coming, she will know what’s up.
So that is how to approach women at a bar or clubs.
Next, we look at how to approach a woman at other venues providing entertainment such as parties.
When you approach a woman in a neutral way, her guard go down, making her receptive to talking to you
How to approach a woman at venues that provide entertainment
Keep in mind that women go to parties to have a good time. And this means they are open to meeting guys.
So here’s a simple and proven way on how to approach a woman you have never talked to at such venues:
Lock eyes with your target woman.
She will be looking around scanning the area. And when her eyes meet yours, you smile at her and maintain eye contact.
If she smiles back, then it means she will be receptive to talking to you.
If she doesn’t (provided she doesn’t look angry), then approach her and say something like:
- “Hi, you seem like a fun/cool/interesting/awesome person, and I wanted to meet you! My name is…”
…then proceed from there.
Another approach technique that works:
Lock eyes with your target woman.
When her eyes meet yours, make a funny face, like sticking your tongue out or giving her a pouty look.
If she reacts by smiling or making similar facial expression, it means she will be receptive to talking to you. Approach her and initiate a conversation.
So that’s also how to approach women at venues that provide entertainment.
Next, we look at how to approach a woman with her friends. (or how to approach a group of women then isolate your target woman)
You can use your eyes to approach your target woman
How to Approach a Woman with Her Friends or In a Group
First, we have to look at how to approach the group, then after that… how to approach your target woman from the group.
Approaching a woman with her friends can seem harder for most guys. Because here, you have her protective friends to get rid of.
But that should stop you… since some opportunities comes only once.
So here’s how to go about your approach:
Approach the group and ask a question to engage them in a lively discussion.
You can ask them a debatable question. Like between women and men, who they think cheat or lie more.
Or ask their opinion about a dating situation that a male or female friend of yours is facing with their partner.
- “Hey guys, I hate to interrupt your lunch/drink, but I need a quick female opinion on something. Do you have a second?”
- “Hey guys, I hate to interrupt your lunch/drink, but I have a question and I need a female point of view. Do you have a second?”
Once you’re in their circle, and they’re responding positively, you keep the conversation going for a little longer.
Drop in some witty and funny comments to make them view you as cool and interesting guy. You can even tell a funny story while you’re at it. Because here, you’d want to get your target woman to like you before you even isolate her from her friends)
Now, here’s how to approach a woman from the group
Once they are deeply involved in the discussion, you ask them if you could borrow their friend (your target woman) for a second.
Then take her by the hand and away from the group.
Now, understand this… don’t approach your target woman first. Because the group might put up some resistance.
So that’s also how to approach a woman with her friends or in a group.
When your target woman is with friends, engage them in a lively discussion, then isolate her later
An important stuff to know when approaching women and starting conversations
As I mentioned earlier… an attractive woman knows that a guy approaches her because the guy is attracted to her, and wants something from her.
So it is for this reason that when you approach an attractive or a beautiful woman, you shouldn’t show any signs of interest.
Now, how can you accomplish this?
Act as if you are not interested in her.
This means, what you say when you approach a woman for the first time shouldn’t come across as a pick-up line. Or as if you’re trying to hit on her.
If you make your intentions obvious at the beginning, that’s when she will reject you.
And about your body language and mannerism…
…approach women with confidence.
Don’t be preoccupied with what she will think of you or will say to you. In fact, don’t worry about any defensive attitude she puts up.
Instead, have the attitude that you’re there to engage her in an exciting conversation. And, she’s going to enjoy your company.
Your posture and demeanour speaks a lot about you. And if you’re nervous, she will sense it, and will find you unattractive.
Plus, lack of self-confidence communicates to women what your intentions are.
Women have a natural instinct in sensing when a guy lacks self-confidence. And this boils down to the fact that you are interested in her, and fear she will reject you.
So when you fawn, it is a flaw.
When you start fumbling over words, it communicates to her you’re a guy with low status.
Sure, she should cut you some slack, because her beauty alone has trapped you. But she wouldn’t waste her time with you, because you’re probably not the kind of guy she wants.
So, the last thing you want to do is communicate to a woman that you’re nervous around her.
And last but not least, maintain strong eye contact when talking to women.
Other tips for approaching women
- Keep a serious, confident look on your face during your approach. Don’t be smiling excessively.
- Try not to compliment her during the early stages. It communicates your intention.
- Don’t stare at her at the beginning. Though, maintaining eye contact demonstrates that you’re confident around women, adopt it after the initial interaction or during your conversation.
- Don’t fawn when she’s unfriendly at first. Pay no attention to her defensive attitude. She might be testing you to see if you would crumble and give in. When that happens, demonstrate confidence (with the mindset that she’s not the only attractive woman) and don’t fumble. Heck, you’re trying to have a normal conversation with her, and if she is not welcoming, tell her “It’s nice to meet you”, then leave.
Now, you know how to approach women on the street. You know how to approach women in clubs, and other venues that provide entertainment. You’ve learned how to approach a group of women, and how to approach your target woman in the group.
It’s my hope that you’ve learned how to approach any woman anywhere. Plus, it’s my belief that you can come up with your own approach techniques.
Now, what’s left for you to do is to put them into action. Go out and approach women and make some female friends while at it.
Sure, there might be other ways to approach a woman, which I haven’t mentioned in this article. But everything I’ve mentioned above is a guideline on how to approach a woman you feel attracted to.
You can use the same approaching tips and techniques you’ve learned here to equally approach women in college, at work, and any other place you meet a woman.
We all have a reason to meet women. And whatever the reason may be, it all boils down to one thing and one thing only…
When you approach a woman for the first time, try NOT to use pick-up lines. Instead approach her with a purpose of making a comment or asking her opinion on something.
And once you’ve manage to ‘entrap’ her in a lively discussion, then you take things further.
So, there you have it – how to approach women or how to approach a woman you like.