“If you know how to approach a girl, your success with interacting with girls will improve dramatically.” – Unknown Author.
How do you approach a girl you don’t feel ANY attraction for?
You just walk up to her and start talking to her… right? Yes.
You can easily approach a girl you don’t feel ANY attraction for, and start talking to her without thinking of how she’s going to react.
Why is such girl easier to talk to?
Because you don’t CARE. Plus, you are not interested or attracted to her in the first place.
But when it comes to approaching an attractive or a beautiful girl, then the cold hand of fear grips your heart. And all sort of unpleasant outcomes pops up in your head.
But truth is… all girls are equal
Just like you can easily approach a girl you know or you don’t feel attraction for, and start talking to her, you can easily approach and talk to a girl you feel attracted to.
The only thing stopping you is the fear she will reject you. And this is because you focus on unlikely bad outcomes.
To help you in your journey to approaching a girl you like, I have written this article for you.
In this article, I share with you how to approach a girl and talk to her.
I start out by discussing the right mindset to approaching girls you feel attracted to.
Moving on, I discuss what NOT to do when you approach girls for the first time. (These are common mistakes I see most guys make.)
After that, I get to the actual steps and tips on how to approach a girl you like and initiate a conversation with her. Here, you will learn how to approach girls in three different environments or situation. You will learn how to approach a girl on the street. You will also learn how to approach a girl at a bar, at the club, and at a party. And then you will also learn how to approach a girl in a group or with her friends. (Keep in mind these three environments or situation are different in nature, and therefore calls for a different way of approach)
Finally, l give you an important stuff you should know when approaching ladies or girls. (This simple tip makes a girl talk to you and respond positively.)
With that said, let’s begin.
Before you approach a girl and start talking to her…
No girl is going to slap you because you approached her.
You’re a stranger to her, and she has to be polite to you.
So be confident in yourself and your ability to wow girls.
The trick is, don’t be preoccupied with expectations. Or simply, do not care how a girl is going to react.
Instead concentrate on how she will love the conversation you’re going to have with her. And how she would want to hang out with you more afterwards.
If you’re nervous, she will sense it. And she will find you unattractive (which wouldn’t be a good first impression).
So the last thing you want to do is communicate to a girl that you’re nervous around girls.
Before I teach you how to approach girls, let me say this…
…when it comes to girls and dating, the best rule of thumb is to know what NOT to do.
To borrow a phrase from Joseph Matthews, author of The Art of Approaching, “Sometimes, it’s more important to know what NOT to do, than what to do”.
So just as it is important to know what to do (how to approach an attractive girl), it is more important to know what NOT to do (the wrong ways to approach girls).
Because, this is the mistake that will turn a girl off. Or even make your interaction with her harder.
So let’s look at the wrong ways to approach a girl you like.
The wrong ways of approaching girls
Common mistakes I see most guys make is using pick-up lines, and giving lame compliments.
Even though they might work in some situations, the probability that a girl will reject you is high.
Because with pick-up lines, it directly communicates to the girl what your intentions are.
Understand this… attractive girls have the notion that guys approach them because they want something from them.
So when you walk up to an attractive girl and use a cheesy pick-up line, her guard goes up. And she’s likely to reject you.
“Attractive girls are approached all the time. Even girls who are what you might call ‘average’ are approached by men on a pretty regular basis. So when you’re about to approach a girl, keep in mind that it’s not like you’re going to try something that she’s never heard of before”, says David DeAngelo, author of Double your Dating.
Now, I’m not saying using pick-up lines is not how to approach girls ever.
Sure, it might work in some instances. But what IS universally acceptable to all girls, or how girls want to be approached, is to approach with SUBTLETY.
That’s how girls like to be approached.
Always err on the side of caution
Instead of using pick-up lines when approaching a lady for the first time, approach her in a NEUTRAL way. The same way you would when approaching random girls you don’t feel attraction for.
Simply saying something like, “Great weather today, huh?”, is neutral enough to get any girl you want receptive to talking to you. (It’s not so much about the approach. But it’s about the conversation starter.)
So all in all, the first words to say when approaching a girl shouldn’t seem like you’re hitting on her.
The good thing with the neutral ways of approaching a girl is that, it helps you get past her defensive shield and make her receptive to talking to you.
With that said, let’s get started… how to approach girls.
The first words to say when approaching a girl shouldn’t seem like you’re hitting on her
How to Approach a Girl and Start a Conversation with Her
Again, as I mentioned earlier… no girl is going to slap you because you approached her.
The most important thing to remember is that when approaching an attractive girl, approach with SUBTLETY.
When done right, even the most unfriendly girl will be open to your approach. But when you approach girls like how most guys do (using cheesy pick-up lines and lame compliments) even the shy girl will reject you before you even say “what’s up”.
So here’s how to approach a girl for the first time:
- Study your target girl’s situation
- Get close to her without making your intentions obvious
- Make a neutral comment or ask her opinion on something
No matter what environment your target girl is in, remember to follow these three steps. And you will notice that any girl will be receptive to talking to you.
Now, let’s go into detail – how to approach a girl you really like.
First, we look at how to approach girls on the street or other places like, in a library, at the gym, on the bus, at the beach, grocery store, museum, coffee shop, etc. (excluding places people go to socialise, like parties and bars).
After that we look at how to approach girls in places like parties and bars.
And then I also teach you how to approach a girl with her friends.
Here’s how to approach a girl in the street or other public places:
Study her situation and find your opener.
(Opener is what to say when you approach a girl to initiate a conversation, a.k.a. your conversation starter. It can be anything from making a comment or a statement, to asking her opinion or question on something.)
So find something that will be your reason for approaching her. (Remember, the best way to approach a girl you like is to be subtle.)
Now let’s look at two examples or scenarios on how to approach a girl and what to say when approaching a girl to initiate a conversation.
Find something about her to comment on. Check her out from her head to her feet.
It has to be unique and shouldn’t seem like you’re the tenth person of the day who have commented on it.
Check out her handbag… is it cool? Look at her shoes. Does she have a distinct necklace? Her shirt… is there any inscription on her shirt that can serve as some good conversation starter?
Do you find something you can comment on? Then approach her and say something like:
- “That’s an interesting shoe/handbag/necklace… where did you get it?”
- “Excuse me, I’m looking for a birthday gift for my sister/mum/aunt/GIRL FRIEND, and that necklace/bag/shoe/purse looks like her style. Where did you get it?”
Now, you’ve initiated a conversation. Talk a little about it, then transition into more lively discussion, like getting to know her.
(Using ‘girlfriend’ is a good way to get past a girl’s suspicion that you’re hitting on her.)
Grocery store or supermarket example:
- “Hey, I’m trying to figure out which wines are good here. How do you like yours?”
Look around and find something that can serve as a conversation starter. Then approach her and engage her in a neutral conversation. The same way you would when you approach a random girl you don’t feel attraction for.
If it’s about some dogs fighting, get close to her and make a comment about it.
- “I will bet you 5 bucks the one with the brown fur will win”
(Author note: It’s not always about how to approach girls, but how to start a conversation.)
Approach her and ask her opinion on something:
- “Does my shirt makes me look fat?”
- “Hi, I need a female opinion on something… when a girl asks me whether her clothes make her look fat, what should I say?”
Whichever environment you find yourself in, you can approach someone you like and start talking to her.
Just study her situation, get close to her without making your intentions obvious, then make a neutral comment or ask her opinion on something.
If you want to approach a girl without being creepy, make a neutral comment or ask her opinion on something.
Now, let’s look at how to approach girls in places they go to have a good time.
How to Approach a Girl in a Club, or in a Bar
These are common places most guys go to ‘pick-up’ girls. And it’s a tendency to offer to buy a girl a drink, hoping to get a date with a girl or to get a girl’s phone number.
Again, this type of approach might work. But as I stated earlier, it communicates to the girl what your intentions are. And the probability that you will rejected is high.
So now, how should you approach a girl at such venues without the likelihood of rejection?
First, know that girls here know you are attracted to them. That’s why you approached in the first place.
So using pick-up lines or offering to buy her a drink will put her on guard. And she can choose to accept or reject you.
Even saying “Hi” and your demeanour can communicate to her what your intentions are.
So the best way to approach a lady here, is to demonstrate that you’re NOT hitting on her.
Here’re some scenarios and what to say to a girl when you approach her:
Get close to her, and don’t make your intentions obvious. Then make a comment about whatever is going on.
Let’s assume there’s a television in the bar. Sit close to her… pause for some few second… then say something like:
- “What do you think about this show?” (supposedly she’s watching too)
If she is offended because some dude tried to hit on her, say something like:
- “Do you have a problem with guys at bars?”
Ask her about what she’s drinking:
- “Is that apple margarita?”
You see, this type of approach is neutral, and she’s not going to act unfriendly or reject you.
Because here, you’re not hitting her. But just asking a normal question or making a comment.
When she responds with an answer, follow up her response with another question relating to what she said.
And if she’s receptive to talking to you, you move things further by talking about other related topics. And then getting to know who she is and what interests her. [Read how to talk to girls]
The key factor to successful approach at bars or in clubs…
Being successful at approaching a girl at a bar or in the club or any other places (being it, at school, in class, at work, or in the office), is to act as if you’re not interested in her. But instead, trying to have a normal conversation with her.
Try not to hit on her, or use cheesy pick-up lines like the other guys who have approached her.
And finally, when you’re approaching, approach from her side. If she sees you coming, she will know what’s up.
That’s how to approach a girl at the bar or at a club.
When you approach a girl in a neutral way, her guard go down, making her receptive to talking to you.
Now, let’s look at how to approach a girl in a party and other social venues…
How to approach a girl at a party and other social venues
Keep in mind that girls go to parties to have a good time. And this means they are open to meeting guys.
So here’s a simple way on how to approach a girl you have never talked to at such venues:
Lock eyes with your target girl.
She will be looking around to scanning the area. And when her eyes meet yours, you smile at her and maintain eye contact.
If she smiles back, then it means she will be receptive to talking to you.
If she doesn’t, then approach her and say something like:
- “Hi, you seem like a fun/cool/interesting/awesome person, and I wanted to meet you! My name is…”
Here’re other things to say when you approach a girl:
- “Hi, what’s your name?”
- “How YOU doin’?”
- “Wanna dance?”
Another approach technique:
Lock eyes with your target girl.
When her eyes meet yours, make a funny face, like sticking your tongue out or giving her a pouty look.
If she reacts by smiling or making similar facial expression, it means she will be receptive to talking to you. Approach her and initiate a conversation.
So that’s how to approach girls at parties.
You can use your eyes to approach your target girl.
Now, let’s move on to how to approach a girl with her friends.
How to Approach a Girl in a Group
First, we have to look at how to approach a group of girls, then how to approach the girl you like from the group.
Approaching a group of girls can seem harder for most guys. Because here, you have her protective friends to get rid of.
So here’s how to approach a group of girls:
Approach the group and ask a question to engage them in a lively discussion.
You can ask them a debatable question, like between guys or girls who they think cheat or lie more.
Or ask their opinion about a dating situation that a male or female friend of yours is facing with their partner.
- “Hey guys, I hate to interrupt your lunch/drink, but I need a quick female opinion on something. Do you have a second?”
- “Hey guys, I hate to interrupt your lunch/drink, but I have a question and I need a female point of view. Do you have a second?”
Once you’re in and they’re responding positively, you keep the conversation going for a little longer.
Drop in some witty and funny comments to make them view you as cool and interesting guy. You can even tell a funny story while you’re at it to wow the girls. (This’s how to get a girl to like you before you even isolate her from her friends)
Now, here’s how to approach a girl from the group
Once they are deeply involved in the discussion, you ask them if you could borrow their friend (your target girl) for a second.
Take her by the hand and away from the group. Go talk to her to get a date, or get her phone number.
Now, you have approach a girl that likes you already. And you can get her to like you even more without sweat.
Understand this: Don’t approach your target girl first. The group might put up some resistance.
So that’s how to approach a girl you have a crush on when she’s with her friends.
When your target girl is with friends, engage them in a lively discussion, then isolate her later.
An important stuff to know when approaching females
As I mentioned earlier… an attractive girl knows that a guy approaches her because the guy is attracted to her, and wants something from her.
So it is for this reason that when you approach an attractive or a beautiful girl, you shouldn’t show any signs of interest.
Now, how can you accomplish this?
Act as if you are not interested in her.
This means, the first word you say to a girl should not come across as a pick-up line. Or you’re trying to hit on her.
If you make your intentions obvious, that’s when she will reject you.
And about your body language and mannerism…
Approach a girl with confidence.
Don’t be preoccupied with what she’s thinking or will say to you. In fact, don’t pay attention to any defensive attitude she puts up.
Instead, have the mindset that you’re there to engage her in an exciting conversation. And, she will want to hang out with you more afterwards.
Your posture and demeanor speaks a lot about you. And if you’re nervous, she will sense it, and she will find you unattractive.
Plus, lack of self-confidence communicates to girls what your intentions are.
Girls have a natural instinct in sensing when a guy lacks self-confidence. And this boils down to the fact that you are interested in her, and fear she will reject you.
So when you fawn, it is a flaw.
When you start fumbling over words, it communicates to her you’re a guy with low status.
Sure, she should cut you some slack, because her beauty alone has trapped you. But she wouldn’t waste her time with you, because you’re probably not the kind of guy she wants.
So, the last thing you want to do is communicate to a girl that you’re nervous around her.
And last but not least, maintain strong eye contact when talking to girls.
Not only does it demonstrate you’re confident around them, but girls also need eye contact to feel a connection with a guy.
A girl is attracted to a guy who demonstrates these traits. And when you approach any girl and demonstrate them, your success with girls will improve dramatically.
Other useful tips on how to approach girls
- Keep a serious, confident look on your face during your approach. Don’t be smiling excessively.
- Try not to compliment her during the early stages. It communicates your intention.
- Don’t stare at her at the beginning. Though, maintaining eye contact demonstrates that you’re confident around girls, adopt it after the initial interaction or during your conversation.
- Don’t fawn when she’s unfriendly at the start. Pay no attention to her defensive attitude. She might be testing you to see if you would crumble and give in. When that happens, demonstrate confidence (with the mindset that she’s not the only attractive girl) and don’t fumble. Heck, you’re trying to have a normal conversation with her, and if she is not welcoming, tell her “It’s nice to meet you”, then leave.
Now, you know how to approach a lady on the road. You know how to approach girls in clubs, and parties.
You’ve learned how to approach a group of girls, and how to approach a girl in the group.
In fact, you know how to approach any girl anywhere. The only thing left for you to do, is believe you can approach girls. And go out and put it into action.
There’re different ways to approach a girl, which I haven’t mentioned in this article. But everything I’ve mentioned above is a guideline on how to approach a girl anywhere.
You can use the same approaching techniques you’ve learned here to equally approach girls in college, in university, in the gym, anywhere you meet a girl.
And it is my belief that you can come up with your own approach techniques.
We all have a reason to meet girls. One guy may approach a girl for a friendship. Another may want to approach a girl to ask her out and for relationship. And others may want to approach a girl for marriage.
Whatever the reason may be, it all boils down to one thing and one thing only…
When you approach a girl for the first time, try NOT to use pick-up lines. Instead approach her with a purpose of making a comment or asking her opinion on something.
And once you’ve manage to ‘entrap’ her in a lively discussion, then you take things further.
So, there you have it – how to approach a girl that you like.